Shlok came to me with this issue: “I was always very close to my son until he turned 15. Then, he began hating me.” As he told me this I told him that its a common developmental issue with teenagers and not something family constellation therapy would help for, But when I voiced this, Shlok replied, “The same thing happened to me. I loved my father until I was 15, and we still have a rift between us”. This cleared to me that this was an issue of a generational component. And so we began.
First I introduced 3 representatives: for Father, Son and grandfather. The constellation as well displayed a similar disconnect between father and son in both generations. So we added another representative: the great-grandfather. Interestingly, the same stony coldness was felt between the representatives for father and son in this generation, too.
In order to figure out what might be going on, I asked if there was any further information about this great-grandfather. My client told me that his great-grandfather had to stay with his uncle in an isolated village in Cesky Krumlov, the Czech Republic as his father was commissioned to join the military. As soon as he brought that information forth, the energies in the room began to shift. We added a representative for the great-great-grandfather, who lived through the time of war, unable to protect his children and had to send them away.
In the constellation that unfolded, we learned that several of this great-great-grandfather’s family members had died; in the war and as he had to enlist in the military by the order of the government he had to make sure his children are safe. When the representative for this Son faced his father, feelings rose within her with great force. Voicing his fury, he demanded to know: “How could you send me away from everything I loved and knew? How could you send me to a total stranger? I hate you for this!” And there stood the Father in awe, looking at his Son: “There was not a day in my life I did not think of you! I sent you away out of love! And I missed you so very much!”
It took time for the fury to melt, giving way to the underlying tears of grief. He had missed his home and his father desperately. To adapt to his new life, He had hardened his heart and moved forwards; but when his own son had turned 15, the same emotional event repeated and his own son turned away from him in anger. Once this poor Father held his heart-broken son in his arms, the energy in the room changed profoundly. The feelings of abandonment were healed. Love flowed again. Everyone could witness the son filling up with the re-found connection. He drank it in and finally was able to turn around to see her own son.
As Constellations so often reveal, the unhealed emotion repeated in the next generation, though this next son was not as angry as the first. Still, He was careful and distrustful of the newly offered presence of his Father, who stated: “I see you now!” Again, it took time for the son to receive his father’s love. But in time, this generation was healed, too. And the process moved forward. Soon, we had a line of beaming Men, all of whom felt a powerful connection to their roots through the Men that walked before them. There were few dry eyes in the circle of witnesses of this re-connection. We were all grateful for the healing that occurred.
Family Constellation workshop in Mumbai from the 30th November to the 2nd December